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Category: Phat Life

If you put tinsel on poop, it’s still poop.

I don’t know what to write about for Christmas this year, the year of our holy fuck Jesus christ 2020. The anniversary of my mother’s death on December 11th came, happened, then passed. The strange bittersweet joyful sorrow I have often written about during this season became buried under a landslide of everything else. I cannot fathom the death-toll numbers of those we’ve lost to the Corona Virus. The continuous, unceasing racism and violence that Black Americans, POC, LGBTQA+ people are still fighting. The continued dismantling of an already shaky country, further, but a rampaging toddler trapped in an old…

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I’m Bad at Everything.

Do you like bad people? Well, you are in luck. I’m bad at everything. Take for example this blog and updating it. My field of motivational fucks appear quite barren but let me assure you that it is only 2020 being its usual soul-sucking feast of this year. Some updates since I last posted: Very Misfit Misfits Market quality tanked so hard within a few weeks. This made me very sad. They sent us basically the same items, 3 weeks in a row, triples of cranberry chutney (which we ordered once and never again,) add on items, like the nuts,…

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Misfits Market – Ugly Delicious and affordable.

Inspired by a friend’s Instagram post about her subscription box to ‘ugly’ produce that normally goes to waste, I began considering one myself. I mentioned more than a week ago to my partner that I’d be interested in trying one of them so long as it did not break the bank. Unsurprisingly, he agreed. See, we love samples and trying new things when it comes to food, coffee, tea, and so on. Being able to try something before fully committing to it is always a great idea. Unfortunately, COVID keeps us firmly exiled, for the good of the realm, at…

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September 2020 Bullet Journal

I haven’t used my physical, paper bullet journal since February of 2020. There are a lot of reasons for that. I won’t go into them, because if you live in the U.S. or aren’t shut away from the news, you no doubt will have some idea and empathy as to why. So the first week of August I did the bare minimum to get myself back into it. I made two pages. One was a mind dump of ideas and random thoughts about what the house needs, what I could do for paintings, what sort of prints I might try…

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Black Lives Matter

Imagine building a country, to have it never treat you like equals. Imagine that country killing you, thousands of you, and nobody listening. You would be angry, too. Livid. And tired. And at the breaking point. Don’t tell me their anger is not justified. Fuck our white guilt. Fuck our white tears. Do something. Anti-Racism Resources For White People Document compiled by Sarah Sophie Flicker, Alyssa Klein in May 2020.

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COVID-19, or, Jesus Wept While riding a Raptor.

It is Blurdsday the 54th of April, a day like the other day which came from another day which also was, like the last, a day. I haven’t worn anything but pajamas since sometime last year, which was in March when COVID-19 was not yet a huge concern for Florida. Because. Florida. I keep trying to pull myself away from news sources or watching the creature in an orange human suit mumble along on television with whatever erratic verbal shit-show circus that pops into his combed-over head. I’m working from home, and my concentration is shot. I am constantly and…

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Kitten Farts: tiny, yet powerful.

If you can’t handle the fact that a) we fart, and b) animals fart then you’re gonna have a bad time. I don’t really understand why I was such a prude about something that is so necessary and normal a body function when I was a–okay, I do. It’s a societal-women-don’t-do-anything-not-perfect, but I ain’t got the 8 years needed to unpack all of it. Anyway, one of the most powerful forces on this earth is not in fact, nuclear but a tiny pfffttpppffft of wind from the backside of a tiny kitten who is learning to adjust to a new…

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Why makeup? And why now?

Yesterday this giant company launched a new palette. Today, 7 other giant makeup brands have launched their palette, with 4 more palettes in the series to launch after each week. There are millions of subscribers watching millions of these artists on YouTube and there are millions more whom are jaw-shattering level amounts of talented there, on instagram, on facebook, on tumblr. The makeup and skincare industry has taken off and millions are creating –literally–face changing, illusion making, brain shattering makeup looks, trends and FX. We’re glutted by advertisements telling us to hide this, tuck that, inject these, lose pounds here,…

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The Secret to Bullet Journaling

WILL SHOCK YOU! CLICK HERE N–okay, okay I feel gross and highly amused that I typed that. Sorry. But now that class is in session, let us talk a moment about a Thing and that Thing shall be: Bullet Journals. Here’s some stuff I hear about Bullet Journals all the time: It looks complicated. I wouldn’t know where to start? I can’t afford good pens. I’m not artistic. My hand writing isn’t good enough. I don’t have an instagram. My camera’s not good enough to take fancy pics I don’t have a bullet journal I can’t afford a bullet journal…

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Hurricane Dorian and Cat Food: a stinky tale.

Hurricane Dorian made my butt clench in anxiety, I am not going to lie. Florida was a little messed up during the week up to the hurricane which ended up being not much more than a tropical storm with a few droplets of rain–making life here inconvenient. The worst thing that happened to me during Hurricane Dorian was that we decided it would be a great idea to buy our 5 cats Hurricane treats, as you do when you are irreverent hurricane Floridian fucks. So we got some cans of Fancy Feast (not sponsored, thank you) to feed our beloved…

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