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Kitten Farts: tiny, yet powerful.

If you can’t handle the fact that a) we fart, and b) animals fart then you’re gonna have a bad time. I don’t really understand why I was such a prude about something that is so necessary and normal a body function when I was a–okay, I do. It’s a societal-women-don’t-do-anything-not-perfect, but I ain’t got the 8 years needed to unpack all of it.

Image of a black and white kitten named Sprinkles.
Sprinkles, Cupcake’s sister.

Anyway, one of the most powerful forces on this earth is not in fact, nuclear but a tiny pfffttpppffft of wind from the backside of a tiny kitten who is learning to adjust to a new diet.

If you don’t know already, hi, hello. We’re crazy cat people. We recently lost one of our 5 and when we were ready (which is relatively fast, because there are too many fucking cats that deserve a home and not enough money on our part to adopt them all) we adopted two 5 month old kittens.

We, uh, weren’t originally going to end up with two. But we went into this “going to meet the kittens all calm and adult like, not make any rushed decisions,” and walked out with, “These are their names and we love them and we would murder for them.” So.

Two black and white kittens in transport carrier.
Cupcake and Sprinkles were not fans of the car ride home. 1/10. Would not do again.

Meet Cupcake and Sprinkles. Named not by me, but by my sister from another Mister, The Practical Gemologist. The names resonated so much with my husband and I that it was basically: “Cupcake and Sprinkles? Yup. That’s who they are.”

We’ve placed them in our bedroom closet, which is actually larger than the adoption quarters they were in. They were very, very freaked out at first and 15 hours later are still freaked out about the closet door…But we’ve made progress in getting them out of their shells bit by bit. Food and exciting toys are always engaging.

Anyway, while we still grieve for Isis, we also have the understanding between us that when one cat leaves us that just means it is time to rescue another. Or, uh, two. So that is what we did.

The amount of gas these two have! You don’t forget the power of a single kitten’s gas, but sometimes you go so long between having a kitten that you sort of have that memory get real fuzzy. Then, combine that one kitten with a second kitten in a very small closet with limited air flow just from the AC vent adjusting to new food and holy tiny star fish butts. The power. The majesty. The amount of times I have gagged while petting them.

Good thing I love them to bits. Us moms, amirite?

Published inPhat Life