When I was 12, I cried because I was too chubby to fit into a thrift store dress. It was for a Halloween school dance. I wanted to be a princess. When I tried it on at home during the last minute, my mother couldn’t find a way to make it fit. Eventually, the zipper went up, but it busted. I went. But I haven’t forgotten.
I never really got into beauty as a teenager.
“Someday, I will find someone who will love me for who I am, not what I look like.”
Snickering laughter. “No. That’s not how it works. No one will love you if you aren’t perfect.”
And adult in my family told me this.
“You’d be so pretty if you just lost weight.”
Many family friends. Many “friends.” Many family members.
The thing is? I don’t…hate them. Where they came from, where their statements ultimately welled up from was an upbringing similar at that time to mine. We didn’t know any better. There wasn’t the internet at that time available to use, to us, or to adults or children. We didn’t live in a very progressive town.
But I moved. I found the internet. I found people who were a lot like me. Who didn’t think you had to have a set of physical prerequisites to be a good human–other than to try to keep being a better human and not be an asshole–and that’s when I started learning to let go a little bit.
I found the beauty and bullet journal community and I found a lot of beautiful people and souls.
I’ve never been the best at inner self esteem. I’m not conventionally beautiful, nor do I have anything asymmetrical going on in my face. I can’t afford to fix my teeth. Or my face. So this is what I got.
But I am proud to share this with you.
I’m trying to learn. I want to accept what I have, and work with it. I want to take the mess that is me–and not change it–but improve it.
Also, I am a complete and utter fool the entire time in this video and will probably be the same for all the rest so…Enjoy!
So come get in the van? We’re gonna go learn how to be less messy together.