Think of the children…
May 18, 2008 Rants
I have spent a great amount of my life doing some sort of customer service. I’ve done it in person for retail, tech support and food service. I’ve rendered similar services over the phone for both computer tech support and for a financial institution. I’ve done so both as a front line agent and as a supervisor in both cases. Between all my various customer service jobs I’m guessing I have somewhere around 15 years of customer service experience and management. Based on the greeter who sat us at Chili’s today, I believe the time has come for me to share the three following tid-bits with any currently involved in customer service or thinking of it.
Please, for the love of all that is holy, don’t use a voice that isn’t your own. We can tell. We can always tell. When your fake voice is roughly 5 octaves higher than normal, we can *really* tell. This also means trying to use a fake “Disney”-style voice when you’re 16 or 17. I pray you listen, Chili’s girl: whoever told you that ending every sentence higher than you started was
1. A complete idiot and
2. Likely hadn’t figured on you being so blindingly stupid that you’d let your voice steadily raise in pitch… forever. For all I know you’re still rising in pitch.
Also, using the fake voice really loses its intended effect when as soon as you leave our table you turn to speak to one of your coworkers in a clearly audible and relatively pleasant alto. Your voice is fine. Use it. Don’t try to trick us into being happy because it won’t work with that voice… and not just because our ears bleeding really kills the dining experience. Be pleasant, not hypersonic.
Lastly, the fake smiling: you are required to stop it immediately. You simply cannot break into a face-shattering, teeth-clenched fake smile so painfully obvious the blind can see it the *exact second* you pass a customer and not expect them to notice. You also can not stop it the exact moment they are beside you. This technique isn’t just useless, it’s borderline insane. Firstly, in case you haven’t noticed, most people’s vision is not limited to 2 feet in front of them. Secondly, every person in the restaurant can see this and each one of us thinks you are suffering from a horrible, debilitating head injury.
Please, each of you, the next time you answer the phone at your job or greet-and-seat your table, think of the Chili’s girl and how she would change your dining experience. Please, think of the children… and their ears.
Tags: annoying, customer service, dining, eating, funny, Humor
Yes, yes, yes. Exactly. Fake nice is very obvious and very annoying. Well said.