Beauty regiment fads come and go.
I know this, because I’ve been told distantly from some woman who either had the time or patience to follow these things far better than I would and the huge balls to post on the internet some of the things society says we women should do in order to be “attractive”. Waxing, pulling, plucking, tweezing, shaping, moisturizing, hair spraying, soaking, exfoliating–I could spend all god damn day repeating all of the hype being thrown down my throat as a woman and still not understand the need for half of it.
Here’s what I think we need:
- Bath regularly, moisturize after.
- Wash your face, moisturize after.
- Shave/Wax/whatever makes you happy, moisturize after.
Done.
See that right there? You are now: clean, moisturized and if going hippy isn’t your thing? Dehaired for however long it lasts. That’s it, that’s really all you need.
Today I saw a how-to along with a suggestion that if you don’t have the money for waxing, the expensive chemicals (because I love me some chemicals that eat hair sitting on my skin. Mm-mmm bitches!) that you could go to your local hardware shop and by some sand paper and sand paper your legs.
What’s that? Didn’t catch the wtfery going on there? Let me help:
Sand paper. SAND PAPER YOUR LEGS.
Yes, ladies, that’s right! It’s not enough that you slather skin melting chemicals all over yourself or paste wax on your skin and tear the hair out one by one as fast as possible in hopes the skin-rape will be worth it–now it’s time to head off to Home Depot and get yourself a belt grinder, a good set of goggles and a high grade swatch of sand paper.
This is the most ridiculous thing I have heard since the acai berry and fiber scam diet, where one woman touts that if by shitting half your weight off in a week or two you must be doing it right!
Screw this, I’d rather let my Canadian leg fur grow. The money I’ve saved not buying sand paper is gonna go into buying those cute little beads, they’ll look to die for in my ankle hair!
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15 Responses to “Sandpaper goes…Where?!”
I ROFLd – yes, I literally fell out of my chair, all undignified and guffawing – when I read this.
SANDPAPER?! I have some co-workers who are currently doing the acai berry / fiber thing (which isn’t working); they will probably soon jump on the sandpaper bandwagon. Because, you know, EVERYTHING you read on the intarwebz is TRUE.
Eveposted: More questions and expectations
When someone thumbed up this how-to about sandpaper and removing leg hair, I literally spend at least five minutes staring stupefied at my screen.
Not only is this the most ridiculous thing I have heard in a long while, it’s just plain …dumb. There were even tips to deal with the “slight rash” we ladies might get after using sandpaper.
Can we say: Lololololloololoollllol much?
And oi! The poop-everything-out-of-your-body-diet doesn’t even remotely sound healthy! I cannot believe the stuff people will fall for!
O…M…G…that’s crazy! LOL I gave up on crazy beauty regimens in my early 20′s. I’m 28 now and realize, keep it simple and manageable, and you’ll be much happier than worrying about keeping up with all these crazy fads! Great post!
Lizzehposted: Woo
Lizzeh,
Isn’t it just? The fact that the how-to for sandpaper was so reasonably written, as well as suggestions on how to deal with “rash” and/or “burn” after is what made me guffaw.
Well…
There are these buffer things that are supposed to ‘gently buff’ hair away that I recently ordered for cheap. I’m not sure if they’re gonna work at all, but I figured I’d give them a shot at least.
But sandpaper? Sandpaper is for shaving wood. Not legs. ~.~ That just sounds all kinds of painful to me.
Honestly though, in the end, if/when all else fails, a razor and shaving cream isn’t the end of the world.
Yeah, those “buffers” are fine grade sand paper. Sandpaper = wood, or serious case of bunions or something, not legs :/
A razor and shaving cream have worked pretty damn fine for me and if I ever ran out, I could dab a handful of conditioner on my legs and go to town. That’s…really the extent of my experimentation that-a-way. This beauty crap is getting pretty ridiculous.
I agree. It’s always for women too. >:/
Why can’t someone write an article for men using sandpaper on their chest hair or back hair? XD See how well they take to that.
Lposted: La La LaTale
I would pay to witness that.
And then make people pay to watch the video I made of it.
Holy Fu*kballs Batman! This was effing LMAOROTF peeing in my pants funny. Thanks!
Until you try something, or at least have some idea what you’re talking about, you should read and .pay attention. The sandpaper they discuss using is superfine grit. Nearly as smooth as plain paper.
Hiya Tony! Welcome aboard. Not sure who either of your posts are directed specifically too, so I’ll answer both!
It’s great and wonderful and awesome that it works for your girlfriend. Awesome! Though your message of tolerance should work both ways here as I have tried sandpapering and it was indeed, a fine grit of sandpaper. I did in fact, use it gently as I could and it made my legs, arms, and arm pits break out into a rash. It also made my skin very sore. So the message here is: not all skin types are the same and react differently from sandpapering!
Since I tend to think, personally, that sandpapering is ridiculous and this my blog to yammer at the internet with, I figure I’d go ahead and share a little humor with that opinion. Your message of not knocking it till you try it is a great one! And I have, it just didn’t impress me in the slightest. :)
Thanks so much for visiting 2phatgeeks! Hope to see you visit again!
It gently removes suface hair and exfoliates the skin. My ex loved doing her legs that way. Arms too. Doesnt require any pressure to be applied at all. Dont knock it til you try it once. :-)
Depends on what you call “superfine grit”
In all reality, the stuff they use is somewhere in the 1500 to 5000 grit range; it doesn’t have to go through much to remove the hair. It’s similar, actually to using a loofah or shower glove; and actually works best when taking a shower. If you can’t handle a good scrubbing with a loofah or what have you, then it isn’t for you, but if you can, it’s a rather nice way to gently exfoliate and to remove hair in the process. I’ve actually heard of plenty of men doing the same, and at least one I know personally accidentally discovered it when a bit of 2500 grit sandpaper removed just his arm hair, and nothing else.
That said, shitting ones bowels out is most definitely not the best way to lose pounds, light, balanced meals, sleep, water, and exercise is.
well… if you would take a quick moment and think about the idea of using sandpaper on your legs, you might figure out that it’s better for your skin than shaving and it takes the ex foliating step out of the mix, which makes it easier for you lazy hippy types. It doesn’t hurt- you’re not using the kind with diamonds in it for crying out loud, and you’re preventing cuts and razor burns.
Heya Julie,
Not sure if you missed it, but I did comment earlier to another poster that I have, in fact, tried this.
The thing that’s really amusing me at this moment is how many people are telling me that I should try it and that it’s so awesome and it won’t hurt your skin. Maybe it won’t hurt your skin, but it certainly hurt mine–and I didn’t go at it like an obsessive compulsive with a germ phobia, either. It didn’t work for me, in fact, it made things a lot worse.
I guess what gets me is that everyone assumes what works for one person might work for eeeeeverrrrybody else. I don’t have any cuts or razor burns on my legs when I shave. That means everyone else never has that happen too, right?
Thanks Julie for dropping by and the comment though! Appreciate it! :)