It could have…. stuff…
Mar 12, 2008 Humor
First-up form the bat-shit crazy files: I Can’t Eat That!
I bring you the story of one of my co-workers, we’ll call her Debbie. Debbie is surprisingly normal on the surface. She’s at the very least marginally intelligent, not at all some of the pond slime I worked with at past jobs. She’s polite; even soft spoken. Don’t get me wrong, she’s not remarkable, but she’s not a drooling phone monkey either.
So, yon magical eve a couple days ago the staff I oversee at night and I were discussing our favorite subject: food. This topic was brought to the fore because on of the other departments had offered us some of the Mexican buffet they were having. While I didn’t partake because we had Mexican cooking at home, I made the rounds to make sure everyone knew there was free grub. No mere Taco bell was this, but instead high grade Mexican from a local joint called Southwestern Grill (of course). Think 1 pound burritos with real shredded grilled beef. Mmmm.
As I passed by Debbie’s desk to let her know the following conversation took place:
Me: “Hey, don’t forget, free burritos down the hall”
Her: “I don’t eat Mexican; too dirty.”
Me: (bitter sarcastic laughter, figuring she’s thinking Taco bell) “No, this is good stuff, seriously, Southwest grill”
Her: “No I can’t eat it, it might have stuff in it.”
Me: “It does have stuff as it’s a burrito, ithas rice, beans and delicious, delicious dead cow inside it.”
Her: “No, you know… stuff.”
Well, a little probing and it turns out there are literally hundreds of things she won’t eat because she thinks there might be “something” in it. She can’t eat Chinese because they actually all use cat and dog meat, you can’t eat KFC because they deep fry rats *all* the time, “I saw it on the internet.” All mexican food, even if you make it yourself is “dirty.”
Then came best: She can’t eat, and swear I’m not making this up, “anything white, because, you know, well… um… because of what’s in it.” Not because of what some long told internet story said what might be in it, but what, absolutely is. I asked her if she could eat it if she made it herself, because, you know, Alfredo sauce is fucking delicious. The answer? No.
I’m truly stunned by just how paranoid a person can be and still be functional. Amazing! Just think, someone near you, is just as fucking crazy as this woman. If not, than it’s you.
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