THIS IS NOT INSPIRED BY ANYTHING BUT SEVEN+ YEARS OF ROLE PLAYING AND NO IDEA WHAT TO POST TODAY. SO IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY THIS LIST: GO AWAY.
10.) Block someone randomly with no reason other than you can! To hell with communication! Too lazy to type? Don’t like the way a story line is going but too much of a chicken shit to say so? Block them! Problem solved forever!
9.) Send out mass e-mails to everyone on your buddy list warning them to never ever role play with so-and-so because they have a twitchy left eye and uni-brow—oh, and they’re evil.
Obviously, had you not warned everyone on the planet about how evil this person was, no one would never, ever have the sense and brain power to figure this out on their own. It are hard to use brain.
8.) Have your pregnant female character drop pants and give birth on a table at your local inn. Bonus points for laying on a table other characters are sitting at. If after the birthing your female character sits up in mid breast-feeding and orders a Sex on the Beach, you have won the internet.
7.) ALL CAPS ARE AWESOME. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS PUT ALL OF YOUR ACTIONS AND SPEECH IN ALL CAPS. EVERYONE LOVES ALL CAPS, ALLLL THE TIME. IN FACT, I’M FUCKING LOVING IT RIGHT NOW. LOOK AT THIS LOVE. IT’S IN ALL CAPS.
6.) You should use as many bright colors as possible in every post, IC action—even in your email! If someone complains it’s too bright, tell them it’s their fault and to adjust their monitor! No one with excellent taste could ever find neon choices in color wrong!
5.) Send your role play partner an IM within five seconds of them signing on demanding to know what they did that day, where they are going, how long they are going to be online, if they’ve role played with anyone else. Sweeten the greeting by claiming you’re going to kill yourself if their character ever leaves yours. Everyone loves suicide threats!
4.) Have your character sex their partner up in a full public room or in a wide open public thread where it’s implicitly stated it isn’t welcomed. . If you’re in a play by e-mail, make sure you forward the sexy to everyone on the list, including the GM’s thirteen year old kid. Make sure you opt out of any responsibility for your own actions and choices by accusing the GM of not monitoring what their daughter is reading online/what parents are letting their kids read in a public room. It’s totally not your fault for what you did! You had NO IDEA.
3.) Send pictures or articles of clothing to your role play partner, like stiletto heels or lingerie and tell them how hot their character would look in it. While you’re at it, why not send them a close up of your crotch? Bitches love crotches.
2.) Never follow any of the rules to any game. Never, ever read anything labeled: “Important! Please read!” It’s not important, its all lies. RULES? WE DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ RULES.
1.) Be an ass because it’s the internet and you can! Treat another human being like a human being? Pfffft. Fuck that!
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