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Mel’s list of fun free games you don’t have to sell yourself once a month to pay for.

Over the last year or two whilst I was wandering ceaselessly, attempting to wait patiently for Conan to release, I tried my hand at many free to play Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games. A lot of the games I didn’t like, but surprisingly, a lot of them I did!

These games generally originate in countries where English isn’t their native language, resulting in some really interesting phrases, occasionally confusing instructions, and a small or steep learning curve.

Once you get past that, you can generally get a good sense of the game and start having fun. My personal opinion is that these games are more of a grind fest than anything you’ll have to pay for. Yes, in essenses, “aren’t they all?”, but Free to Play MMORPG’s don’t tend to hide it as well.

**Note: Most of these games have cash shops. IE: You send money to the game creators for a pet, an item, a “bonus pack” for extra xp or gear. I do not use these when I play, so my reviews and opinions are coming from the completely free side.**

If you’re looking for some free fun, I recommend trying these games:

Maple Story: Despite the fact that there will be a handful who cheat at this game (speed hacks, item hacks, so on and so forth) it’s kind of cute. It’s a side scroller reminescent of the good old ancient days of games. Back when we had to go barefoot, up a hill, three times, just to buy a game–in the snow–and it’s terribly cute. (Cute is a theme that will be common here. Prepare yourself.) I played Maple Story for about a month or so and had a pretty decent time while I was there. The issue of course, was that I didn’t know anyone, most of the users seemed pretty young and had some confusion as to how not to mix numbers with their letters. I recommend this one because of it’s side-scroller niftiness just to try out.


Trickster Online: This is the first free MMORPG that I got into thanks to and his pictures of unbelievably cute characters, hats, and beautiful Engrish. Trickster online appeared to be relatively easy to figure out once I read a little bit on it via cluttered forums and played a bit. It is undeniably cute and may send you into a sugar coma–which is kinda what I like about these games, anyway! I played about a month by myself and was amused by most of the quests and chat. If you’re into bright, happy little games with kitton-hats and foxy-fox chicks, I’d recommend trying this one out.

Dreams of Mirror Online (DOMO): Dreams of Mirror Online is another game which reminds me heavily of Okami in it’s use of strong, black outlines for characters and it’s world. DOMO online caught me however for it’s bright colors, exceptionally cute characters and well presented world.

When I downloaded the game and started playing it, several other features within it began to make it stand out a little better than other free-to-play MMO’s, such as the fact DOMO Online wants to be a game that zeros in and focuses on the social aspect of gaming, instead of just soloing and grinding all the time.

You can create relationships with other players. Obviously, there is the romantic kind, but there are friendships and pledges, groups and families which the game rewards you for creating and keeping. Characters with certain relationships are granted buffs, bonuses and specials they can use depending on the relationship they have. The game uses “Fate,” an interesting quirk which brings you Destined Enemies, Destined Relative and Destined Love as well. It’s an interesting take and despite a few hiccups in the translation and learning curve department, it’s not a bad little game for a freebie. You can tell that a lot of time and effort when into some aspects of it.

And it’s cute. Did I mention that yet?

9Dragons: Acclaim’s free to play Kung-Fu martial arts PVE & PVP MMORPG game. This one, I admit, I have played off an on for the last year. My playing stints are generally no more than a week or two, or a month, but I enjoyed playing it.

I think I enjoyed playing it specifically just for the Kung-fu and martial arts alone and the look of the game. It’s a grind fest (of course) the players are often gooberheads that you don’t generally want to associate with, but I struck out and got lucky with a decent guild of adults (while I played) and came away with a favorable attitude.

The only issue that I had/have with this game is that the website is not designed with anything but IE users in mind.

Requiem: Bloodymare: One of the single most bloody free-to-play games I’ve gotten my hands on yet, Requiem is different in the fact that, if you’re bored with cutesy free games–this game will help. Twisted, grotesque monsters to fight which twitch, flail, scream and bleed, and bleed A LOT, when you kill them. At night time during a two-hour slot, the world turns into a “nightmare,” which special, more difficult monsters appear. There’s a definite lack of anything that will make you squeal like you do at kittens.

The over all design and look of the game is dark, gritty, and dirty. Someone made mention that it looks a lot like, or reminds them of Lineage II character wise. I played it for a bit and I also came away with the impression that, while you can solo through most of it, there will be certain group dungeons and instances that drop decent loot you’ll want to…well…group up for.

I was entertained by the twitching, flailing, bleeding and guts for a little while. If you aren’t into the saccharine happy sweetness good time fun of most Free to plays, give this a try.

Archlord: Archlord started off as a pay-to-play MMORPG, actually. I don’t know the full story, whether the company fell through or the developers all exploded in a horrible cake accident, but it’s free-to-play now. What caught me about Archlord was not the fact that it had an excellent PVP system, and that you could still choose to PVE if you wanted–but that it rewarded the single most best PVP player by making him or her Archlord over the entire server.

Specifically, the Archlord could control things like whether it was night or day, the weather, and a host of other really neat things. The idea was pretty cool.

The graphics weren’t too bad and I enjoyed playing it while it held my interest. Again, (as with most of these games) the grind fest got to me and I haven’t been back.

Perfect World: While the website seems eerily familiar to World of Warcraft Players, the world itself isn’t exactly alike. Perfect World is kind of impressive in a very cheesy way: they’ve their own theme song which you can hear after you install the game during character creation or log-in.

What made this game stand out for me is the possibility for character customization. So many free games give you, on average, four different faces, four hair colors, four body types and that’s it. Perfect World’s character creation (on the female end, sorry boys. I play chicks.) had a plethora of sliders, color choosers, size sliders and other things to fine tweak a character to your liking. That really stood out to me.

I have an account and I admit that out of the six months I’ve had the game installed, I’ve played maybe a week, but what I have seen and what I have played so far, I’ve really enjoyed.

Games I’ve recently tried but sucked so hard I didn’t make it past install and first hour:

Mabinogi Online: Months of waiting for them to open the game up to “Oceanic” people, just to find out that I am still in a “Service Denied” area. I guess they don’t want people from Florida US playing? I was really looking forward to this free game, as it touted as many support crafting classes (things like the ability to sheer sheep, spin thread and make custom clothing) but..Well. I CAN’T PLAY IT.

Zu Online (Beta): This is in beta and it shows. While it has a strong resemblance and nod toward the Okami feel with broad black lines and cartoonish characters, it looked really good. An hour into the game with poorly translated english and “help” prompts that made no sense what-so-ever, I left. Way, way, way too confusing for me to get.

2Moons: I can’t get those 30 minutes and one hour of attempting to play back. EVER.

First impression of this game was standing in the main city after leveling up for the first bit and have nothing but scroll after scroll after scroll after scroll after scroll after scroll after scroll AFTER SCROLL of gold seller spam. In a free to play game. :/ After further inquiry, apparently all the main cities are like such, and it’s so bad that NO ONE can talk in any of the cities.

I know that gold seller spam and farmers (unfortunately) are part and parcel of most games these days, but that’s just the most ridiculous case I’ve ever seen. And the fact that game masters or volunteers don’t do anything about it sort of tells me the general jist of how they feel about their game. They don’t care.

At LEAST Maple Story and the other games will try and ban people cheating or openly selling gold, 2Moons people don’t seem to even care. It’s surprising to me that it’s a game made by the same people who made 9Dragons, which I actually liked!

Advantages:

1. They’re free!
2. No monthly fee!
3. They’re generally not graphic intensive, so if you have a good computer with a few old parts or a semi-old computer that you are waiting to upgrade/can’t afford to yet, you can usually run these games smooth as buttuh without going 23232323232 dollars into debt just to have them run.
4. You can solo through almost all of it happily by yourself without worry of being told by someone to hurry up because you aren’t l33t enough or leveling fast enough.
5. You don’t have to spend a single cent in any of the cash shops for items or xp boosts to play and enjoy the game
6. Most aren’t PVP only, so you can choose to skip out on that if you wish.

Disadvantages:

1. Kids. Mom and Dad didn’t want to pay for the WoW account, so they turned around and downloaded one of the free to play games.
2. Spammers.
3. Language Barrier. A lot of the people who play these games won’t all be speaking English, some of the actual GAME TEXT looks like it’s been translated into English by babble fish, a lot of internet short hand and text/1337 speak.
4. Confusing instructions or none at all. Some of the games don’t have a terribly great help system for beginners and often times, you’re tossed into the middle of the world with a pat on the head and a “GOOD LUCK DON’T PRESS THE RED BUTTON BUT YOU WON’T KNOW THAT UNTIL LATER, WHEN YOU CURIOUSLY PRESS THE RED BUTTON.”
5. People who spend money in the cashshops will always have the advantage over you. Cash shops sell unique gear (usually) that doesn’t drop anywhere else, experience boosts, special attacks, uber pets and more. This leaves the rest of us poo’ folk who may enjoy PVP at a great disadvantage. It’ll be extremely difficult to try and compete with these folks.

So there you go. I recommend installing and trying out the games that appeal to you, because the worst that could happen with a free-to-play game is that you don’t like it and you uninstall it

Gamers: Fighting change with a cry of “Boom! Headshot!”

Much like my other half, I’ve been spending the few scant moments of free time I have each week with Age of Conan. While I won’t dive into gushing technical details I will simply say a few quick things:

1. The game is gorgeous, and I seem to be able to run it on good setting without bleeding edge tech. I can’t wait for DX10 Support.
2. The music and sound design is nearly perfect. The music runs the gamut from moody and lonely to grand and sweeping. The sound effects are marvelous. Two words: “crunchy snow.” I even have the music playing in my car.
3. The game-play is quick and addictive but still has depth to it. Quests abound! I’ve not grown tired yet.
4. Adult approach for the WIN! Blood and Nipples (trademark pending). It’s what you get when grown-ups make a game for grown-ups. Despite all the brouhaha over the inclusion of nipples (in the prudish US) or Blood (in the squeamish EU), the game is doing it’s best to be realistic and cater to decidedly adult audience; Crazy things like, when you stab people, there’s blood and that women actually have nipples. Oh the horror!

Now, all that being said, the game has it’s issues: it’s got a memory leak, of course. It’s got unfinished areas (though not anywhere near as bad as things like we saw in places like the Kojani area of Vanguard). It’s got classes still being tweaked and balanced, leading to the inevitable cry of “NERF!” in the future. It’s not perfect, but in comparison to everything else I’ve played or beta tested for it’s absolutely the most complete and engaging MMoRPG.

Unfortunately and predictably, the game also has another slight problem. It’s infested with gamers.

For a group of people that typically pride themselves on razors edge technology, I have never seen so many resistant to change since I left the panhandle of Florida. This game takes advantage of the best technology available today, but because it is different than the beloved WoW, these people will absolutely lie to both themselves and you. I have seen, on more than one occasion “This game sucks. WoW still beats it hands down.”

Well, usually it’s something more like “U R suxx0rz Cnoan! WoW>AoC!

Seriously, with a perfectly straight face (likely drooling Mountain Dew), the people will say that the music, game-play and graphics in WoW all surpass Conan. A game made to run on mediocre equipment from 4 years ago is being compared favorably to a game actually designed to run on equipment this year, using graphic and audio technologies not even available when WoW was born. The fact that someone can actually say these words with a straight face is a testimony to the power of denial. Anyone with a functioning brain stem can simply look at the two games side by side and make the appropriate comparative statements.

On the WoW side we have the cartoony idiocy of Warcraft with midgets running around on giant metal chickens. We have elves with 7 foot ears sticking straight out of the side of their heads like fleshy antlers. We have dwarves doing the Macarena in bright pink and purple garb. We have Disney’s version of a MMoRPG. Colorful and shiny to keep the little kiddies involved and focused. They might as well have given out a WoW mobile to hang over the crib. Only appropriate since most of the people singing its praises were 1 or 2 when the game was released.

On the other hand we have the splendor of Conan: Blood and Nipples™. We have scarred warriors and jagged looking weapons instead of jagged graphics. We have war mammoths with metal spikes hammered through their tusks rather than lag spikes in Iron forge. We have weapons designed to look and act brutal. We have real colors, sounds and people. We have a game designer that took pains to make their game world as realistic and gritty as possible without taking the magic out it. They managed to make a fantasy game without elves in it that people actually enjoy playing.

Despite this, the WoW idiots keep coming over and keep spending countless hours bitching about Conan’s few flaws or that it won’t run on their 2003 iMac. I believe the fact they’re here is a testament to how dated and crappy their beloved game is. The problem is these short-sighted, 16 year-old idiots are taking up valuable time and space in my game. They turned the new player help chat channel, something most games really do need, into a battlefield of idiocy that was yanked down in a day. They clutter up out-of-character chat with 3 hour long discussions of how the night elf is more sexually appealing than a human female. They are inevitably the same idiots that make up character or guild names like “girl” or “Ninja Space pirates” and think that they are just terribly witty. These people are the tea-bagging idiots of the game world.

The one brief hope I have is that, looming on the horizon, is the brightly colored and cartoony Warhammer: Age of Reckoning. I’ve already heard people talk about this game as the successor to WoW and, based on my limited experience with the beta, I’d tend to agree. The game is a decided improvement over WoW, of course, as pretty much any well-funded MMoRPG made 4 (or 5, if it ever launches) years later should be, but it’s the same feel; the same bright colors. I can almost hear them asking for “mah purplez” already. It’s why I’m no longer involved in the beta.

I know, I know. The prevailing wisdom is that, “Without these idiots, there is no game. You have to have these guys support the game to keep it open,” but the prevailing wisdom is just plain wrong. Most of the people I personally know (or know through my wife) that were still playing WoW before AoC launched were playing it because there was nothing else to be played. The lack of alternatives is singly responsible for the 8 million subscribers that WoW reached. No small feat, that, but with millions of gamers out there to keep these type of games supported there is no reason that two games can’t exist in this genre. The fact that Everquest and Everquest II were, and remain, successful is ample proof of this.

All I can ask is that the two camps separate themselves on their own. I can hope that when WAR launches most of the idiots calling their character “Drizzt” or “Anaykin Skiwolker” will run back to the kiddie nonsense they love so much. At east this is an update. At least you can compare the two side by side without having to constantly throw the handicap out that “well, this game is 4 years old.” At least this is an improvement.

The problem is that I can easily imagine that WAR players will be favorably comparing the game to tactile, interactive holograms in 50 years.

I want my Uber Dagger of Whiner Killing, now, now, NOW!

If you are at a restaurant and someone’s child falls to the industrial carpeted floor, wailing, screaming and crying loud enough to shatter crystal and turn beet red in the face–would you call that acceptable public behavior?

When you (if you do) watched that ridiculous sweet-sixteen “reality” t.v. show, especially the episode where the lady bought her daughter a brand new car and she started crying and yelling about how she wanted it AT her birthday party, now NOW, and OMG HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!!11–did you barely restrain yourself from wanting to choke a brat?

If you answered no to the first and yes to the second and are a MMO/MMORPG player who often pitches a fit because you don’t get that dagger you always wanted, may I suggest you take your brow and beat it against your desk until the common sense is pounded in?

Honestly, in the past few weeks playing Age of Conan: Hyborian Adventures, a supposedly “mature” game, the amount of hissy fits, temper tantrums and all around screaming and crying has left me flabbergasted. Supposed adults turn into mewling, vicious sulky teenagers bandying insults about because they lost a roll for a piece of pretend equipment in a pretend world, twenty minute debates over who uses what weapon more, and thus, should have had said weapon they didn’t get until it deteriorates into a NO UR MOM argument. I am just about eye-lid twitching here ladies and gentlemen.

Protip: IF you lost a roll on an imaginary weapon in an imaginary world that doesn’t exist filled with people pretending to be half naked barbarians and IF you flip your wig over it? You are no better than the child laying on the floor with balled fists beating the carpet, screaming for the ice cream sundae denied him because he didn’t know how to be polite.

Games are meant as a means to get away from the stress of everyday life. Why in the world do some players forget this and seem to go out of their way to create ugly situations for themselves?

Dear MMORPG Players:

Excuse me, have you seen the rainbow trout I keep on my butt?

I seem to have misplaced seven pounds.

The internet tells me that I have lost the equivalent of a decent sized puppy, a brand new baby, or a modest sized rainbow trout fish.

I blame the wii fit for this.

But it can keep it, I really don’t want them back.

Dear Internet; I will not be your sweet old lady.

Dearest Internet,

I have been your biggest fan since I comically discovered you ten years ago via dial up and a horrid little three letter program that first lovingly melded me with you.

I admit, when I started I was truly clueless. I believed that the only way to connect to the World Wide Web was through this three-letter-program and that the internet stopped after a few sites and chat rooms.

You were a little unkind to me at first, since I was terribly naive. No one told me then about the dangers of giving out uber personal information, crazy mo’fo’s behind the screen and drunk men with Transylvania accents calling me at four in the morning to discuss their ex-wives.

But I learned internet, I learned.

It’s been a pretty good ride, internet. You’ve given me friends that I have had for so long that I don’t find it terribly odd that for some of them? I have no idea what they look like, but wouldn’t dream of calling them anything other than friends. I have learned more than I thought ever possible. I have witnessed history through you, I have touched human lives, I have been moved, I have created, loved, laughed and dreamed through you.

And it’s also been a pretty tough ride, internet. You’ve shown me the true meaning of fair weather friends, of back-stabbing and instability. You’ve given me stalkers. You’ve shown me the limits of what can be stuck into human orifices. You’ve shocked me with sexual positions involving objects I’m pretty sure aren’t legal in any state, let alone a country. You’ve reminded me that no matter how nice I am, there will always be some schmuck that will hate my face for no reason other than they can.

Through all that you showed me, Internet, I continued to do my personal best to remain as cordial and polite as possible to you despite the fact that as I grew older, I found you less and less willing to return it in kind.

Now, here we are. It has been a decade  and this year I will turn 30.  For some, they dread this number and for others—like myself, they both rail against and learn to let the two numbers settle with wisdom about their shoulders quietly; like worn out favorite shawls.

And that wisdom is: I am worth more than silence.

It’s time that I find my own voice. Ten more years from now I don’t want to be known as that ‘nice old lady with that nice blog that writes nice stuff.’

I think it is time for me to learn how to say what I want to say, how I want to say it.

I’m at the age now, when fine lines start appearing as well as (perhaps soon) a first gray hair or two. I think it will be alright for me to be a little more outspoken now.  Especially when it comes to me, the subjects I love and adore as well as the people which are very close to me.

So, dear internet, I hope you won’t mind, but I’m growing up.

I promise, however, I will try my best not to add to the tl;dr’s, the STFU’s, the NO U’s, the UR MOMZ, the LOLS—too much.

The Wii Fit. It will make you jog your jubblies out of your underwear.

Nine days ago we became the proud parents of a wii fit. It came into our home smelling of that delicious untouched-by-sweaty-geek-hands plastic, pure white and gleaming in it’s cute little board shape.

Nine days, Shawn and I have been doing Yoga and jogging and strength training and hula hooping and boxing and did I mention jogging? We jog. Yes. Us. It’s the most wonderful little package of awesomeness that we’ve had delivered to our front door yet. (Minus the new camera of course.) I have always been the self conscious sort that disliked, greatly, going to a gym. This prevented me from doing several things that I’ve always wanted to do, and I thought that I was doomed to a life of envying The Junky’s Wife and her Yogagasms.

Lo’, there was a Shawn, and Shawn purchased for us a Wii fit, and I can seriously say that I see the two of us working out almost every single night. It’s been nine days and I’m not tired of it. I don’t mind the little computerized animated wii fit board reminding me that I’m overweight–it’s not doing it in a manner that’s counter productive to encouraging. I don’t mind the female trainer even though her mouth doesn’t move at all with the voice over, and I don’t mind that I can’t do everything all at once. It will come in time.

For the past nine days I have slept like I have never slept before. I don’t remember far back enough to put an age to when I’ve slept this deeply or well without spending hours tossing, turning and waiting (read: desperately hoping) for sleep to come.

The wii fit is a marvelous invention and I urge any of you, all of you, that may be a touch too self conscious to hit the gym to consider investing in one of these. It’s beyond kick-ass.

There is one, teensy, tiny negative to all the jogging, however.

After this evening’s little work out, after the sweat stopped rolling and we caught our breath, I hear behind me over my own old lady wheezing the sound of fabric hurtling to the floor. Shawn, love of my life and man of my dreams proclaimed: “I think I’ve jogged my balls out of my underwear.”

I, of course, well versed in my wifely duty with such things turn my head slightly and slant a quick glance that-a-way.

“Yes. Yes, I do believe you have.”

So go, check out the wii fit–oh, and, uhm, wear supportive underwear.

He likes us! He really likes us!

No, it’s not Mikey that really likes us–but Jason from The University Kid.

It’s official ladies and gentlemen, we’ve had our first no-foolin’ review from a fellow blogger that I respect and admire.

Jason’s writing is bold, honest, to the point and stuffed full to the gills with information on how best to turn your blog into an income machine as well as bucket fulls of good advice. He also created and runs Blog Premiere, a great blog and forum for bloggers of all types interested in blogs.  So, when I found out that I’d won a review from The University Kid’s massive contest run a month or so back, I admit I was a little nervous.

We’re not a big name and we don’t really have a lot of flash, bang or boom–what we do have is humor, a little bit of the everyday and enough geek to sink a few ships; I was a tad worried about our first impression.

I’m glad to say that Jason doesn’t want to kill us with fire and truly happy to see the commentary positive!

Thanks so much, Jason, for the great review and being the first!

For us, there is no spring. Just the wind that smells fresh before the storm.

Various screen shots from the MMORPG Age of Conan. Shawn and I are having a blast playing this game together!

I demand the most perfect game evar because I am special!

The Age of Conan forums are a complete war zone filled with the whiniest, most demanding people I have read in a long while.

Sadly, this sort of nay-saying, negative charged flood of posting seems to be the general trend in game forums. Especially when they first open or release.

I understand they paid money for a product, I understand they think they’re entitled to some things–but demanding a MMORPG game to work, and work perfectly without a hitch anywhere, immediately seems just plain ridiculous to me.

Hasn’t anyone beta tested any other game? Have those who beta tested and played a game for at least a year forgotten how bad it was at first? Every game has a bumpy launch. I remember almost two days of downtime for Ever Quest II and I hear horror stories of the first week of World of Warcraft being pretty much unplayable.

This trend in the last few years to demand perfection in an MMORPG is mind boggling. There’s no way a small group of people could test for all of the bugs or inconsistencies several thousand people would have a better chance of finding. Yes, there are closed betas and open betas–but they aren’t really the real numbers, are they? They aren’t the handful of thousands that flood the server all at once and all try to sign on at the same time during release.

MMORPG’s take time because they are an evolving game. To demand that it be perfect, run perfectly on your 1988 MAC, be completely smooth and bug free on release date is a lot like squatting down to give birth, pointing at your newborn and demanding that it walks itself to a doctor.

A masssively multi-player online game, surprisingly, shouldn’t be about rushing. Developers spent years of their lives perfecting a world far more expansive and sprawling to explore than your usual single player game. That means no matter how much sleep you lose or how many bottles you have near your computer desk–it’s going to take time to do anything or go anywhere. Why the rush?

The game isn’t going anywhere during it’s downtime for patches, updates and fixes–but if you can’t live through that, maybe you should go somewhere–outside and away from the computer preferably.