Elf fu, or Melissa Pence, is a gigantically fat, white girl geek that was born and raised a good girl in Nova Scotia, Canada. Soon after several disastrous events, such as her birth as well as the realization that bugs suck—she grew up into the fine gelatinous blob of blond hair and blue eyes we all know and love today. At thirty eight she has finally come to the grudging conclusion that she likes anime, Korean, Japanese and Chinese period dramas. This information does not frighten her as much as it frightens you.

She is married to a fellow geek who she keeps shackled under her computer desk in order to ensure she has the best rig possible and that when ever something goes wrong, like, “there’s a ring-ting-ting in my computer and I can’t find my other earring anywhere!”, he’ll always be there to fix it. On the days she lets him out, he works at a bank. Someday when Mel grows up, she’d like to be a reasonable digital artist, clay sculptor, a writer, a photographer and a Disney princess. So far, she’s figured out what the button on the computer and camera do and that smooshing her fingers in clay makes really cute stuff.

As of February, 2011, M.Pence (or elf_fu) has had her writing featured in a short story collection, Under the Stairs, by Divertir Publishing. It is available as a digital download and as a paper back from Amazon.com. Her writing tends to cover all aspects of her life, from the disgustingly human, her journeys in photography, clay, writing, ALL CAPS RANTS, MMORPG & Game reviews, humor, humane and horrific of the mundane. She writes in this blog with her husband, Shawn Pence, and maintains a more personal blog over at ye olde Dream Width Journal. She also has a deviant art account and sells her stupid-cute polymer clay at her etsy shop.


Bariguy or Shawn is also perfectly in shape for an egg or pear and is happy attached to his round and squishy mate. One of very few native born Floridians, he was forced screaming into this far too bright world on September 20th, the year of our Lord nineteen-hundred and seventy-two in the vast metropolis of Tallahassee, Florida. At one point in the distant past, somewhere shortly after the Permian mass extinction, Shawn was a precocious blond-headed little scamp. Several thousand Big Macs and angry customer phone calls later, he is now cursed with much darker hair that seems to belong to Reed Richards over the ears.

He is most decidedly not into anime, despite many attempts of conversion by the woman who lets him live, though he recognizes that some of it is very well done. No, in fact, he settles for far more conventional fare and loves channel surfing around the all the high-def nature and history networks at night, between episodes of the Family Guy and Simpsons.

In a former life Shawn managed to do a bit of everything, from politics to web design to pizza delivery to saxophonist to running his own computer repair business. Currently he is the evening manager at a credit union call center where it is his job to take a great personal interest in being verbally assaulted by people who are trying to fix their own mistakes and blame them on everyone but themselves.

Much like his past, Shawn’s writing tends to wander around subjects a bit. He could write up a rant about human behavior or discuss politics or he might even delve into something more geeky like games and or system reviews. By in large (and we mean large) his writing tends to be brusque, a bit blunt at times and often waaaay too wordy.

Sometimes his writing ends abruptly.