It could have…. stuff…
Mar 12, 2008 Humor
First-up form the bat-shit crazy files: I Can’t Eat That!
I bring you the story of one of my co-workers, we’ll call her Debbie. Debbie is surprisingly normal on the surface. She’s at the very least marginally intelligent, not at all some of the pond slime I worked with at past jobs. She’s polite; even soft spoken. Don’t get me wrong, she’s not remarkable, but she’s not a drooling phone monkey either.
So, yon magical eve a couple days ago the staff I oversee at night and I were discussing our favorite subject: food. This topic was brought to the fore because on of the other departments had offered us some of the Mexican buffet they were having. While I didn’t partake because we had Mexican cooking at home, I made the rounds to make sure everyone knew there was free grub. No mere Taco bell was this, but instead high grade Mexican from a local joint called Southwestern Grill (of course). Think 1 pound burritos with real shredded grilled beef. Mmmm.
As I passed by Debbie’s desk to let her know the following conversation took place:
Me: “Hey, don’t forget, free burritos down the hall”
Her: “I don’t eat Mexican; too dirty.”
Me: (bitter sarcastic laughter, figuring she’s thinking Taco bell) “No, this is good stuff, seriously, Southwest grill”
Her: “No I can’t eat it, it might have stuff in it.”
Me: “It does have stuff as it’s a burrito, ithas rice, beans and delicious, delicious dead cow inside it.”
Her: “No, you know… stuff.”
Well, a little probing and it turns out there are literally hundreds of things she won’t eat because she thinks there might be “something” in it. She can’t eat Chinese because they actually all use cat and dog meat, you can’t eat KFC because they deep fry rats *all* the time, “I saw it on the internet.” All mexican food, even if you make it yourself is “dirty.”
Then came best: She can’t eat, and swear I’m not making this up, “anything white, because, you know, well… um… because of what’s in it.” Not because of what some long told internet story said what might be in it, but what, absolutely is. I asked her if she could eat it if she made it herself, because, you know, Alfredo sauce is fucking delicious. The answer? No.
I’m truly stunned by just how paranoid a person can be and still be functional. Amazing! Just think, someone near you, is just as fucking crazy as this woman. If not, than it’s you.
Thank you!
Mar 12, 2008 Computers and Internet
When we finally got this blog up and running again last week—I certainly expected it to be a long haul toward catching a few dozen readers here and there.
I understood when we started 2phatgeeks that I’d have to go out and spend some time whoring myself. That’s why I went out earlier and bought the fix nets and new bra, but ‘Lo and behold, four entities saved me from ever having to don either. They saved you from looking at my thighs oozing out of ‘nets like mozzarella being pushed through cheese-cloth.
Who was it that saved us all from such a horrific sight?
Eve, The Junky’s Wife, my Live Journal peeps and Stumble Upon.
First, The Junky’s Wife, because when we started this blog originally a year and a half ago she’d thumbed it up and had given it five stars. We deleted the old one and lollygagged about until we returned to WordPress again. Not only did she keep the review and thumb up as it was—she’s been a part of my life for over a year now. I’ve read her heart break, her joys, her ups and her downs and she’s been reading mine. Sprinkling her laughter and wisdom on my Live Journal, my old blogger blog and here; several of you who visit are coming to us through her magnificent blog, and for that, I thank her.
My Live Journal peeps who have followed me from my first blog, (which I still keep :D) at live journal. They’ve been with me since 2005, reading the meme’s, the whines, the rants, the bitches, the stories about boobs, my mother-in-law and supreme geekery.
Eve, of course, is our very first RSS subscriber and commenter on 2phatgeeks! : ) Not only is she that, but she’s snuck in several Stumble Upon thumbs up to some of our entries, made a few more her Stumble Upon favorites and has had some people from her Stumbles visit my page. It’s good to know that we’re not always on our own in this big wide blogging word, isn’t it? More than just spiders, spam, or ‘bots, I’m glad to know her and get to know her through her blog.
And finally, Stumble Upon and Stumblers from all over the globe. You’re what makes up for almost 90% of the traffic in the last few days and I am a little stunned beyond belief. I’m intensely happy to have you drop by and read the blog, thumb it up and leave your digital fingerprint on our ink.
So thank you all from the bottom of our geeky little hearts! Here’s hoping we can keep you entertained in the coming days!
